its only this last week that i feel better about whats been going on. i mean when you feel that the whole world is against you , and when you think that you are getting to grips with one thing another comes and slaps you back down again.in my last blog you would have read about my ex but i didnt have time to expain every thing ,i just thought that writing things down would help me and stop me going quietly insane.In january an hour before we are due to set out on holiday a letter came saying that i had to go to court as my childs dad was wanting parental responsibilty. well apart from trying to be tricked into it a couple of years before ,this came as a huge shock to me i felt at the time my heart was being ripped out and i had a feeling he was trying to take my child off me,not knowing what P R was at the time and off to india for two weeks i went away in a right state also believing that there was something more to it, I mean why did he need to have P R now after all this time. Well i was right i went to court on the understanding that P R was reall nothing and he would be granted it but everything else would stay the same. my child was seeing his dad regually once a fortnight all weekend .Well when we got into court he then slapped me with a contact order aswell which he wanted to be put in place with no fleibility.I mean how can that be possible i have been nothing but fair with him for years i mean he saw us homeless and never paid maintenence for years , I think the only reason this is all happening is because the CSA have finally traced him ,Anyway my arguement was when you have children you need to be flexble, but the judge went in his favour and i was left having my heart wrenched out again.We had to go back to court to see how this was working , i mean how could it not we ve been doing the contact for years this way.It just means another day off work cancelling clients changing staff rotas, well when i got back to court i was hit again by another slap he now wants shared custody, which will mean he wont have to pay me any maintenece.Well i was fuming at this i am angry and upset at this . It really is not practical for the child as he doesnt live that close its 30 min away ,iknow its not that far but when your child has activities after school it can get a bit complicated.Well my child has been unhappy and confused he just wants to please both of us and stop all this mess cafcas have been involved . Just last week my child did a rota for the days he chooses to stay with his dad , well actually his dads wife as his dad will be at work most of the time this is the main reason i,m annoyed.Well i,m now dealing with it i am still not happy but i,m gonna see how it plans out we are giving it a two month trial and will be starting week 3 tommorrow.My brother gave me some good advice last week that i should make good use of the spare time i have so i had my first scuba diving lesson on thursday.For the last ten months i have been really depressed some days not wanted to even be alive.I feel let down and think this is just a power trip to him.Whats it gonna be next him wanting full custody and him taking me to the CSA.